No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
