soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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