she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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