Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
