Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
