Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
