Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
