I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
