It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize