cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
