I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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