Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
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