Christians are straight up FREAKS
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
