People with herpes should wear stickers.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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