i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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