yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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