I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
