This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
