So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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