And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
