I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
