Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize