i just wanna soil my oats bro
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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