Dual....:-)
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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