Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
