My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
