He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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