his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
