i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
