I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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