I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
well you can't waste a boner
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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