The maid of honor just puked.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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