I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
