what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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