Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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