It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
