Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
