i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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