How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How's work?
Spinning.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Randomize
