I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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