I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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