I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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