Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
