I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
