i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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