after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
