You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize