i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize