Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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