The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
