Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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