You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
