mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize