i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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