my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
