Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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