May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
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