You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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