So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
