What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
