Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
