found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
