You work out of a Hotel?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
