Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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