So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
