I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
