when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
