kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
